Funny quotes on boss and employee

“Boss: ‘You’re late!’ Me: ‘Sorry, I was busy dreaming about a job where I can work from bed.’”

“Some people work to live; I live to avoid working for my boss.”

“I love my boss! Just kidding—please don’t fire me.”

“My boss asked for a summary of my day. I told him: ‘I spent most of it avoiding eye contact.’”

“I can’t believe I still have a job after all the times I accidentally hit ‘reply all’.”

“Every time my boss says, ‘Let’s circle back,’ I’m pretty sure he means ‘Let’s procrastinate.’”

“My boss’s favorite exercise? Jumping to conclusions.”

“They say you can’t put a price on happiness, but if my boss ever gave me a raise, I’d be willing to negotiate.”

“If my boss had a time machine, I’m pretty sure he’d use it to go back and stop me from getting hired.”

“My boss is the reason I wake up every morning… to avoid him!”

“I have a new motto at work: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, just blame it on your boss.’”

“Sometimes I wonder if my boss is an undercover agent—he always seems to know when I’m not working.”

“I told my boss I wanted a raise for my ‘hard work.’ He asked me if I wanted to ‘work harder’ instead!”

“Behind every successful employee is a boss who doesn’t take credit for it—most of the time.”

“My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.”

“Working for my boss is like a game of hide and seek—he hides, and I seek a new job.”

“I told my boss I needed a raise because three companies are after me. He asked which ones. I said: gas, electric, and water.”

“My boss is like a software update—whenever I see him, I think, ‘Not now.’”

“If my boss had a dollar for every time I didn’t hear him, he’d be rich!”

“Dear boss, I have a suggestion: let’s not work on Fridays.”